Psalm 77 A Song of Faith

     Psalm 77:7-9 "will the Lord cast off forever? And will he be favorable no more? Has his mercy ceased forever? Has His promise failed forevermore? Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?

    How often have I just sat in my room, feeling lost and confused. Frustrated because the only words in my heart are questions and no answers. Seeing absolutely no possible way that this miserable moment could ever get any better. Praying for God to intervene. The word 'Pray' means 'to beg'. Sometimes that is all we can do; Us on our knees begging God to bless us, for him to remember us.

    Psalm 77:10-13 "And I said, 'This is my anguish; but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.' I will remember the works of the Lord; surely I will remember your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of your deeds. Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary; Who is so great a God as our God? 

       It will work wonders in your situation if you simply turn your heart to dwell on the things that God has done for you in the past. He did not forsake you then, why would he forsake you now? "This is my anguish", even in my anguish, "I will remember" how good God has been to me and I will have faith, that God can turn a miserable situation around. Force yourself to do this, to remember, and you will see as the tiny cracks of light begin to penetrate the dark of the moment. And it may be a slow process, but God will cause them to become gaping holes, so much so that you will not even remember what you were so scared of.

Thy Will

I'm so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart 

is a part of your plan.
When I try to pray
All I've got is hurt 

and these four words;

Thy will be done.

I know you're good,
But this don't feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not;
Thy will be done.

Like a child on my knees,
All that comes to me is
Thy will be done.

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store;
Thy will be done.
   
                              ~~~~~"Thy Will" by Hillary Scott

   Some songs make you want to dance. Some Songs make you want to sing along, but a very few will make you bow your head, and just listen in silence. you listen in amazement as the artist is able to do what you cannot, as they perfectly put your feelings and emotions into words.

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which can not be uttered." -Romans 8:26

   We all have a moment when our feelings and emotions are so overwhelmed and clouded and confused, that we cannot even form a sentence to express them. we cannot even utter a single prayer to God for help. we sit there helpless as the tears of frustration start to fall.
  In spite of our weakness we feel God as He touches us. God does not need our earthly words to know our needs. He knows. Sometimes just sitting in silence in his presence is worth more than a thousand eloquent prayers.
 
     Sometimes it is someone else who can say what you cannot. like a song artist, and all you can do is just sit there and open your heart to agree with them.
     Maybe this song will encourage someone like it did me.

This Miserable Life

"Miserable Thou Art, wheresoever thou be, or wherever thou turnest, 

unless thou turn thyself unto God." --Thomas Kempis

     Everyone goes through hard times in this life, for "[Every] Man who is born of woman Is of few days and full of trouble."(Job 14:1) I have had hard and difficult things happen to me in this life, and I am sure you have had your fair share as well. Things that have threatened to shake my foundation and make me turn from God. I see it much too often, someone going through a hard time, giving up on God, and ultimately denying his existence. Because they did not turn to God, they turned their attention to their situation. They saw the stormy waters, were afraid, and let themselves sink.

"But woe to them that know not their own misery; and a greater woe

to them that love this miserable and corruptible life!"

      Hard times, afflictions, were not intended to bring us down. They are meant to encourage and strengthen us. 

      People look at me and say, how can you believe in a God that would let these things happen to you, that would let these things happen to your family? But I say trials only make me love and worship God even more. Every man goes through the fire, whether he wants to or not. 

     This life is miserable. And he that does not see that is in a very bad place. But we are not meant to let that misery be our focus, instead we are to long even more for the Glory of a perfect Heaven and its beauty. 

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the Glory which shall be revealed in us...... For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."(Romans 8:18;38,39)

Psalm 74:25-26 Whom have I in heaven but You?

And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart fail;

But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

    He is waiting to be everything we need, our all in all, if only we will let him. An action is required on our part...... He is waiting.

    Friends and family alike can never be everything we need without fail. They are human, they themselves fail. There is only one being who without fail, every time I enter into his presence, can calm my spirit. No matter the valleys I may go through in life, No matter all the things that could happen to me in the future, I know God is with me. Forever and always.

Let Freedom Ring

Genesis 19:12-26  Then the men said to Lot, "...Sons-in-Law, your sons, your daughters, and whomever you have in the city-- take them out of this place!"
   "For we will destroy this place, because the outcry against them has grown great before the face of the Lord, and the Lord has sent us to destroy it." 
    So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who had married his daughters, and said, "Get up, get out of this place; for the Lord will destroy this city!" But to his sons-in-law he seemed to be joking. 
    When the morning dawned, the angels urged Lot to hurry, saying "Arise, take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be consumed in the punishment of the city." 
     And while he lingered, the men took hold of his hand, his wife's hand, and the hands of his two daughters, the Lord being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city.
     So it cam to pass, when they had brought them outside, that he said, "Escape for your life! Do not look behind you nor stay anywhere in the plain. Escape to the mountains lest you be destroyed."
    
.........But his wife looked back behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.


Exodus 16:1-3 And they journeyed from Elim, and all the congregation of the children of Israel came to the Wilderness of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the fifteenth day of the second month after they departed from the land of Egypt.
   Then the whole congregation of the children of Israel complained against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness.
   And the children of Israel said to them, "Oh, that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger."

    Today I heard a very profound statement spoken:

"Freedom is not in looking back, but in looking forward"

     Sometimes it so easy to long for the past. That is what Lot's wife did, and that is what the children of Israel were doing as well. They were looking back at what, at the time, looked like better times. Especially here lately, I find myself reminiscing and longing for the times before with my brother. I wanted those times back so so much. I was a slave to the past, instead of trusting God and looking to the future. I think we all long for something back maybe: Age, time, lost possessions, loved ones, or any number of things. We are slaves to longing for something that we will never have again. We are dissatisfied with where we are right now. But God says that he has us here for a reason.

Deuteronomy 8:2-3 "And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.

    "So he humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone.

     God has set us free of that bondage of longing for the "happy" past, and has given us hope that he is doing something great Right Now! and it will affect your future. I don't want to long for the past. I want to long for the awesome future God has planned for me as he continues to refine me to his image. 

John 8:36 "Therefore if the Son makes you free, You shall be free indeed."

The Image of God

       Sometimes it scares me how easy it is for me to forget why it is that I praise my God. It is so easy to forget who he is and what he has done for us. His love and grace can become almost commonplace. But, during Sunday service yesterday I was reminded of a few things.
       God is goodness in its rawest form. He is everything we love in this world, he is everything we are not naturally (Romans 7:18). He is everything we desired to be, he is beauty. And through his loving grace he chooses to put a little of himself in every one of us.

        Sometimes it is scary to look at the world and realize how much evil we are capable of. Just think of the hurt we could cause, of the hurt we have caused.  But, God is none of that. God is the part of us that is the opposite of that. He is the part of us that can do good things.

      When we have felt a moment of love, we have felt God. We have caught our breath at the beauty of a starry night or a magnificent sunset, we have caught a glimpse of God and who he is. God is beauty (Isaiah 33:17), God is love (1 John 4:8).  God is patience, kindness, and compassion (Galations 5:22). God is everything good in this world.

      “And therefore a man should rest himself so fully in God that he need not to seek many comforts of men. When a good man is afflicted, tempted, or troubled with evil thoughts, then he understandeth better the great need he hath of God, without whom he perceiveth he can do nothing that is good.”

    --- Thomas A Kempis

      I found this written in my diary the other day, and I remembered exactly what I meant when I wrote it:

Because he showed me, I know how to live.

Because he died for me, I know true love.

In him I am happy, so I laugh.

        God showed us exactly how we are to live through his own son’s life and through the guidance of his Holy Spirit. And through the death of Jesus Christ, we witnessed perfect unconditional love. When I see my niece rushing to get one of her little Hello Kitty band-aids to give to another child who has fallen down, I smile. Selfless Compassion. When I hear my nephew laugh at a caterpillar crawling on his arm, I laugh with him. God is joy. God is in that child, causing them to rush to the help of others. God is in everything I love and take joy in in this world. Because I find my joy in him, it is only natural that I then begin to glorify him.
       God is beauty. God is goodness. Then we can have absolute faith that his plan is good as well.

When You Can't See: Lift Your Head To the Light, Have Faith, and Move

          I'm a very rational person. I need things to make sense, and if they don't make sense then I sit and puzzle them out till they do. I analyze and I find a reason for just about everything. I cannot tell you how many times I have tried to make sense of things happening in my life. Tried to make sense of what God is allowing to happen to me or others. And when I can't, when I can not find a single useful reason, then I start to slide down that slippery slope of doubt. Maybe falling so far as to doubt the goodness or existence of God. If God was truly goodness in its rawest form then why did he allow for that person to swallow those pills, that poison? Why was there no one there for them? Why did he not whisper in their ears the words they needed to hear?
          You know, there was someone else whispering their ear as well, and his words are frighteningly persuasive. The devil will not be reasoned with. He is the father of lies. When you let him infiltrate your head with his spider webs, you will lose your way. Confusion is his weapon. Trust me when I say that he has power and can convince you of anything if you let him. You might think it is your truly sensible side finally showing itself, telling you to get rid of that childish crutch of religion. He tells you happiness is a feeling that only naive children can feel, that there is too much evil and hurt in the world to find happiness. If you think it gets better, you are lying to yourself. But God says that is so far from the truth.
         It is true. Without God, there is no light or good in this world. But don't let the devil pull you into that. Trust in God. The God who's foolishness is wiser than any knowledge we may have.

1 Corinthians 1:25 "The Foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and  the weakness of God is stronger than human strength."

When nothing is making sense, when you find yourself falling from God. Stand firm. God has so much planned even when you are lost and can't see it. Stand strong in your faith.Trust in God,  even when it does not make sense.  And continue to march on to Zion, you soldiers of God.

Revelation 21:4 "And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain..."

If Nothing Makes sense, Pray

            My life has changed so much lately, in so many different ways. The plans I had for my future does not seem like the right way now. If that is true, then God what is it you do want me to do? Am I on the right track and I am just being lazy, or are you really telling me to change course?
            I start going over different possible options for my future plans, and pros and cons of each. Nothing seems to sound right or make sense. Where do I go from here? What do you do when you believe your path needs to change, but you don't know what to do instead? When you don't have any direction?
           That was a point I was at when I heard this song. If you are at a point like this in your life I hope it may encourage you.

Exodus 33:13 Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight.

      Genesis 1:27 God created man in his own image; In the image                                   of God he created him.

     The meaning of this verse has been greatly revealed to me in these last few weeks. When I was younger and heard this verse read I always took it in the physical sense, in that we looked like God himself. But it has much more meaning than that as God has been showing me.
      Sometimes it makes me cry just hearing of all the hurt in the world, especially of the recent ISIS attacks. I can not shove down such thoughts as, "Why God would you want this to happen?" And when my brother died that very same question was not far from my thoughts. I will never forget that moment when I walked into our kitchen and saw my older brother closer to tears than I had ever seen him, and my mother barely containing her emotions leaning against the sink. My father walking towards me and holding me as my mother whispered the words, barely getting them out before bursting into tears once again. Seeing my dad cry for his son, and my mother for hers as well, I will probably never forget that sight.
     But just think of our heavenly father having to see his own son go through the torture he endured and then finally being nailed to a cross. Oh, what tears he must have cried, but he let him go.
   See we are not only created in our father's image physically but also emotionally. The pain I felt at losing my brother God feels the pain just as much at our hurt, if not more.God is not a senseless being. He cares and he weeps for us. "Jesus Wept". Jesus a part of God himself had to go through the trials and temptations that we go through every day. He felt what we felt, he knows just how hard it is. God cared for Ben even more than I did, and he decided to spare Ben from any more pain.
   God let his son go because he knew it was the only way for us. Now I let my brother go, knowing that through God's sacrifice of his own son, he is in a better place where he no longer has to deal with the pain he felt here on earth.

To My Man

This past week my family has experienced an unspeakable grief. I was confused and almost angry. I kept saying to god, how do you expect us to get through this. A mother should never have to experience losing her son, my Grandma should never have to experience losing her grandson. God, why is he gone? Why did you not touch him in that moment, just whisper in his ear not to do it.
What brings me the most pain is knowing how much pain my brother must have been in to do this. Thinking about him and how he must have been feeling makes it so I can't even breathe sometimes.
How God? How are we to get through this?
 Then I heard this song by Jeremy Camp. It reminded me of that oh, so well know verse, that Jesus is the way. And only by continuing to look to his face and who he is will we find our comfort.
Some may say that Ben was wrong in doing what he did. Because in a way he took his life into his own hands instead of God having his way with him, But although Ben may have had a few rough past few years he was always such a role model for me, in his walk with Christ. And although this may not have been the most natural way to go, God let him go. God let him do it. It was God's will.
"No one understand the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil." (Isaiah 57:1) Ben deserved to be taken and spared. And as much as it hurts, we can't be selfish in wanting him to still be here. Ben was a believer, and I just as firmly believe that he is in a better place with someone who will continue to take care of and love him much more than we ever could.
Ben you are loved so much and will be missed just as much.

A Lullaby for the Worn

     I hear most people measure your "smarts" by IQ level. I have also heard lots of people say that there are some things certain people can't do, because they are simply just not smart enough. That is not true. With our nice cozy IQ of 100, we can do things that someone with a 139 can do. We can, but we have to be willing to fight for it tooth and nail. Maybe even till were not sure we can do it anymore. And maybe that seems unfair. Why should they be gifted so that they can do it with little or no effort? Why, when I want it so much more? It doesn't seem fair. And you will grow tired with trying and failing, you will start to lose sight of your end goal. You won't want to go on.
    You need to remember that there is a sometimes very hard truth to find,  in that since you will have to work so much harder than them at it, in the end you will reap many more benefits from it than they do. It may seem unfair, but you will have gone through a tough fight and emerged victorious on the other side. You will have earned it. Much more that the person beside you with the "smarts", who didn't have to do anything but go through the motions. They will never know the satisfaction that you feel after winning that battle, because for them there was never a battle  in the first place.
    Keep fighting, keep holding on so that you may one day say,

2 Tim. 4:7 I have fought the good fight, 

I have finished the race,

I have kept the faith.

     We are blessed to be able to work for something we want because we will  learn so many lessons along the way. It may feel like a weakness, but it is really a strength.

1 Cor. 1:13   And he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, 

for my strength is made perfect 

in weakness." Therefore I

 would rather boast in my infirmities, that 

the power of Christ may rest upon me. 

     I recently had an assignment where I had to write my own autobiography. I know what they want me to say. I know what they want to hear. When they ask me to tell my life story they  really are asking me to only tell certain parts of it. But sometimes I wonder what would happen if we instead wrote our real story. We told the things we did and thought when no one else was around. If we told about the times when we were in our own desert. If we told about those things that seem even more real to us than the events in our lives.
     We fight battles everyday. But we refuse to let them get the best of us. God is right here with us. He gives us the strength to keep fighting and to hang on one more night.